Reflections after a week in Rome

We had had some difficult times at home and I was looking forward to spending some time in Rome, as well as looking forward to the train across France and Italy adventure. After a few days here I decided I would like to spend more than two weeks here and luckily my partner is joining us here for Reuben's birthday so I have cancelled my journey back and we will reschedule together.
This has meant that I have come out of holiday mode, frantic to do everything on my list, to relax, have a rest and just enjoy walking around and reading books mode.
I also noticed a really bad tendency on my part to get frustrated and cross and to transmit this to the boys, especially when they wake up at night! As I am free from most worries here I have had the time to reflect on my behaviour and how I have distanced myself from the Buddhist values I so much care for. Mainly love and compassion (and respect for others). So I have embarked on a more compassionate and loving way of responding to my own anger and the children's frustrations, I didn't realise how bad it had got until I started trying to change it, I often felt that as our autonomous way of life is so right then other factors must be to blame for lingering problems. Well that's not true. I am responsible for my reactions and the boys rely on me to show them love and compassion unconditionally. It is a bit like a chef making a cake not using enough sugar then getting upset that the cake is not sweet enough, or even blaming the cake.

So this is turning out to be more than a holiday, and I have to say that I just enjoy the simple pleasure of walking around Rome, today we went out after it had rained, it was becoming dark and the lights were coming on, I felt very happy indeed!

Explora museum for children in Rome

This is a super space for children in Rome, we only found out about it last year.

Explora, (from their website) is a children-size museum based on learning by doing.

The Museum is an opportunity to play and learn, an interactive tour that develops focusing on their capabilities and potential, providing chances for creativity, exchange and knowledge development.
At Explora children can engage in facts, reality and everyday life. You grow up while playing, touching and doing.

Explora relates children to environment, communication, economy, new technologies, science and culture that allow children to explore the mystery of things through interactive exhibits.

Tours at Explora are self-guided, children can choose on their own the area and the exhibit to play in, stop there as long as they like, and change the activity whenever they want to.

The last bit is important as here in Italy there is a tendency to push.. sorry meant guide... children in pretty much each aspect of life. And even though staff encourages the children to truly explore, the parents can't help themselves, we have been here twice now and each time I hear: Luisa enough of that now, Giulio lets go over there, Sofia it's time to go upstairs now... On the other hand the boys can happily spend an hour on each activity section and it can be expensive as you pay for a session which is only one hour and 45 minutes long, so it was 17euros for us to get in today and I will be spending the same next week as we only saw half of it. But as my mum said: "the boys like to do things properly!!"

Entrance with olive tree

Water canals outside

The very cute bookshop

They were so happy when they got this working

Side of the building

The crumbling walls outside have been cleverly decorated

Recycled materials for art projects

The pretend vegetable garden

The kitchen, Isaac put all his veggies in the oven

They then set the table and invited me for dinner

Water play with fire engine

The water play section is good and quite challenging as it took me a while to work it all out

You can only activate some of the features from above

Reuben fire fighter

Who lives in these houses?

The computer room

Photos!!

I had a big doh! moment yesterday. Being used to my photos travelling by wireless between all my various devices, I was momentary stuck here in Rome as there is no wireless or 3G... Then of course it occurred to me: just plug the phone into my mum's computer, something is bound to happen! So I now have photos to share.

The sleeper train Paris to Rome

Breakfast on the sleeper train

Running down the corridor on the train

Top bunk

The house of the Owls in Rome's Villa Torlonia

The House of the Owls also has snakes!

Rainbows inside the House of the Owls

Their favourite spot in the Villa

Making colourful dinosaurs

Our closest playground

Leicester to Rome by train

I have no photos yet as I'm writing on a computer in a house with no wireless and all the pictures are on my iphone, but I'm sure I'll work it out!
So our epic train journey is over, till we go back that is. It went really well and we only had one hitch.

Train n.1 Leicester to London was super smooth as I got a first class ticket for a pittance by booking well in advance, the boys didn't pay as they are still under 5, so in just over an hour we were in London.
There we had the strange experience of checking in and going through customs for the Eurostar as if we were boarding a plane, it was very busy and I didn't realise how many people can fit on one of these trains but all plain sailing. It is a pain getting on and off trains with a pushchair so I wouldn't recommend it, if Isaac had still been happy to go in the carrier I wouldn't have bothered but I have to say that me and the boys are so in tune with each other that we didn't have any problems, the pushchair had to be folded to get on and off the European trains as they are much higher up than the standard UK ones but the boys got very good at hopping on and off and negotiating the steps and the crowds. So train n.2 was the Eurostar London to Paris, we were in standard class and were quite cramped as Isaac didn't pay but had to sit on my lap, next time I'll make sure we have seat with a table. The journey wasn't too bad, just over 2 hours, but Reuben sang the whole way (the same song...) and as lovely as it is by the end most passengers were getting a little tired of it, Isaac just wanted to jump up and down...

So we got to Paris in perfect time, I had booked a (expensive) taxi but when we got to the end of the platform there was no one there to meet us, very worrying as we needed to get to another station for train n.3. I called the taxi office and they assured me the driver would be there asap, so this did not start well. It went from bad to worse. The driver turned up and we rushed to the car, as I was folding the pushchair he helped the boys into their car seats and they must have sensed something amiss as they both immediately started to cry. They had been fine up to then and taxi drivers often help me with the boys so it was weird, I put it down to them being tired. We got in the car and even with me sitting next to them they continued to cry, the driver offered them a sweet and Isaac immediately became quiet and went for the sweety, as Reuben was still crying the driver then started being slightly unpleasant telling him he could only have it if he stopped crying. Reuben has never encountered this sort of punishment/reward attitude and didn't understand it, he is also not scared of adults so he replied that he was upset and did not want the sweet. The man got quite cross at this and proceeded to be  more an more unpleasant to Reuben calling him a baby, telling him he would stop the car and leave us if Reuben didn't stop crying and that he wouldn't take us home, he also mocked him and explicitly told him he didn't want to listen to crying in his car. I asked him please to leave my child alone as he is still 4 years old and had been travelling since that morning, this resulted in him being angry at me too, he then proceeded to call someone on his mobile and spoke on the phone while driving all the way to the gare de Lyon at which point he dumped us without helping with my bags. I complained to the taxi company and they assured me they would not use him again as this behaviour was unacceptable, I'm sorry he lost the job but it was extremely distressing for us.

As soon as we were out of the taxi and into the station, Reuben was ok again. We had an hour before train n.3, the sleeper Paris to Rome so we had something to eat and watched all the chic Parisians! The boys did a lot of running around and happiness was restored. Gare de Lyon is a very pretty station, I will find out more before we go back so we did not mind spending a bit of time there.
And so on to the most exciting train of all, the sleepy train (as Reuben calls it). We boarded about 30 minutes before it left, everyone was very kind and helpful and the boys loved our little cabin, they climbed all over it and it was nice not to worry about disturbing anyone. We attempted dinner in the restaurant car but the boys were so excited they broke two glasses in the first 5 minutes so we ordered supper and ate it in our cabin, someone had made the bunk beds but I felt the train was too rocky to sleep in the top one so I put the mattress on the floor and made a little bed for Reuben while me and Isaac slept on the bottom bunk. The boys didn't go to sleep till quite late but then slept through to about half past 7, we had breakfast and the boys enjoyed running up and down the corridor until we got to Rome amazingly refreshed!

So yes it was a success and I look forward to doing it all over again in reverse in two weeks time!

Gare de Lyon in Paris

Surfer beach art

Reuben has started work on a major installation! We have mountains with waterfalls, beaches and surfer boys and girls on our doors and walls today. And he's not finished yet!

Mountains on the door, one with waterfall and the ocean below

Adding a beach with surfer girl

Boy and girl surfers

Our big train journey starts tomorrow

We are all in a state of nervous excitement about tomorrow, as this is when we begin our train journey to Rome. I planned it with the help of The Man in Seat Sixty-One website, he knows nothing about travelling with children but a lot about travelling on trains, so the advice I found there was invaluable, he even has videos of the trains and how to navigate metros and taxi ranks! (added note: actually he does have some advice for travelling with children, including what sling to use!!! See this page)
So this is what we have planned, hope it goes smoothly:

We take a train from Leicester arriving at London St Pancras at 12.30, we then have an hour to do some food shopping for lunch and dinner (as otherwise the cost escalates...) and check in for the Eurostar journey to Paris, we arrive in Paris at 5pm and here I had a chicken moment and booked a private taxi to pick us up and take us from the Gare du Nord to the Gare de Lyon. My motivation was that at that point it will be dark, I have two hours to get from one train to the next, I have two small children, a big pushchair and a big rucksack, queues for taxis can be long and it will be rush hour and my French is crap... So I parted with an extra 65Euros, steep... but I'm less worried.
From the Gare de Lyon we take the Thello sleeper train straight to Rome, I booked a cabin just for us, again this was more costly than a couchette but I wouldn't be able to sleep with the boys in a shared compartment. And hopefully we'll get to Rome at 10am the next day!!
My main motivations for this are a sense of adventure, how much more the boys will learn and see compared to taking a plane and my total terror at flying!

I'm taking just one rucksack that can fit on my back so won't be able to carry Isaac in the Kinderpack (he doesn't like being carried anymore anyway) and the double pushchair, I seldom use it as the boys now like to walk but Rome is a little dangerous traffic wise and some places require the amount of walking that a 5 and 3 year old struggle with, it's a pain to lug onto trains and buses but I'm guessing it's the last year I use it. So now I just need to pack our clothes and go! Will keep you posted.

All of us in Rome last year when we drove through Europe

Child routines and depression, comment on the BBC articles

I was looking at the BBC news website over breakfast and came across two interesting articles. I tend to avoid the education section now as it just depresses me and hopefully the boys will never have to experience the shambles that is state education in the UK, but these caught my eye.
The first one was about levels of depression amongst young school leavers and how they are unable to cope with everyday life, if they do not go straight from school to college or university they cannot cope is the message, finding a good job is difficult and teenagers experience high levels of stress which leads to depression.
The second article was about the importance of routine for children and how young people with no set bedtimes do badly in exams... The implication (which I strongly resented) was that good parenting is equal to a very structured life for children.

Now call me a dissident hippie but I can see a connection here. You put your baby/child on a routine straight away, tell them what to do and when to do it and take away the ability to make independent and informed decisions. Then send them to nursery and school where they will find more of the same, the ability to follow rules and produce the results that someone else has decided for them is applauded, independent thought and creativity is not. The child turns into a teenager, if everything has gone to plan they will go to a good university thus remaining in a controlling system, then maybe work for a big corporation and contribute to society. But what happens if the teenagers fails to conform? If they want something different for themselves? With no skills to navigate the world outside of institutions it takes a very strong person indeed to succeed. And the others? As the BBC tells us, they become depressed.

So my children will have a very loving family environment, I am involved in their life 24/7, I care for them and help them with what they need and want, I also follow my own pursuits and interests, we are all part of the same unit and we are respectful of each other, we find good solutions not compromises and we do not coerce each other. I like cooking for them but if they are not hungry at 12 on the dot they do not have to eat, they go to sleep in the evening, anything between 8 and 10 but are not forced into bed against their will. They are learning to live in the real world right now! It will not hit them in the face when they are 18, they travel, meet people from different backgrounds and countries, they paint without interruption, learn to read and write at their own pace and are free to follow their interests within a very loving and safe environment. I think that these are the things that matter, the world is not a scary and stressful place for them but a playground filled with wonderful opportunities.