Friday, 11 January 2013

Reflections after a week in Rome

We had had some difficult times at home and I was looking forward to spending some time in Rome, as well as looking forward to the train across France and Italy adventure. After a few days here I decided I would like to spend more than two weeks here and luckily my partner is joining us here for Reuben's birthday so I have cancelled my journey back and we will reschedule together.
This has meant that I have come out of holiday mode, frantic to do everything on my list, to relax, have a rest and just enjoy walking around and reading books mode.
I also noticed a really bad tendency on my part to get frustrated and cross and to transmit this to the boys, especially when they wake up at night! As I am free from most worries here I have had the time to reflect on my behaviour and how I have distanced myself from the Buddhist values I so much care for. Mainly love and compassion (and respect for others). So I have embarked on a more compassionate and loving way of responding to my own anger and the children's frustrations, I didn't realise how bad it had got until I started trying to change it, I often felt that as our autonomous way of life is so right then other factors must be to blame for lingering problems. Well that's not true. I am responsible for my reactions and the boys rely on me to show them love and compassion unconditionally. It is a bit like a chef making a cake not using enough sugar then getting upset that the cake is not sweet enough, or even blaming the cake.

So this is turning out to be more than a holiday, and I have to say that I just enjoy the simple pleasure of walking around Rome, today we went out after it had rained, it was becoming dark and the lights were coming on, I felt very happy indeed!

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